Yo Chick

Mercy! That chick thirsty!

How much would you pay for straight teeth? How about your life!

Today, Invisalign received an FDA Warning because the maker, Align Technology Inc., never disclosed severe allergic reactions that some people have to the invisible braces.  This is bad news because my dog’s teeth are really bad.  I was counting on getting him Invisalign Teen so the other dogs would stop making fun of him, and now I don’t know what to do.  On the one hand, I love him and don’t want him to die, however, on the other hand, I really dislike his underbite.

I have been looking into alternatives…

1) Traditional Braces: Though they are expensive–and I’m sure he will get nacho cheese stuck in them–I really do hate his underbite.

2) Teeth Removal: Gums are in this season!

3) Dentures with Diamonds in them: If you’re going to do it, you might as well do it big (Black and Yellow! Black and Yellow! Black and Yellow! Black and Yellow!).

Taylor Swift named 2010 Entertainer of the Year

And Entertainment Weekly’s Entertainer of the Year is…..Taylor Swift?

Come again?

With so many juggernauts in the running, how did T-Sweezy pull off the upset to become the youngest Entertainer of the Year in EW history?

We have exclusive round by round analysis of the final four competitors.

…for anyone who actually cares…

Semifinal #1 Kanye West(5) vs. Justin Bieber(1)

The #3 seed, Kanye West, started the match still with lingering damage from last year’s T-Swift Tidal Wave attack, so the overall #1, JBeebs, had a significant advantage to being the match.  Kanye came out throwing his new albums 5 star ratings, but JBeebs blocked with his AMA awards and counter attacked by making Kanye sit through his #1 most watched video on Youtube.  In the end, Kanye just couldn’t take it.  JBeebs advanced to the finals.

Semifinal #2 Taylor Swift(11) vs. Katy Perry(4)

As the #4 seed, Perry came out confidently, using her California Girls Power Up and blasting Swift with Teenage Dreams.  Swift, unfazed, threw back her new album, which sold over one million copies in the first week. Seeing Perry in distress, Snoop Dog immediately jumped in to try and help.  The match was then stopped because of Mr. Snoop’s alleged involvement in Soul Plane. Perry was disqualified and Swift advanced to take on the Biebersaurus.

Finals Taylor Swift (11) vs. Justin Bieber (1)

The match started out with JBeebs looking like he would completely dominate.  He, along with his legion of tween girls, hit Swift hard with his best-selling memoir.  Swift tried to counter with some crummy country songs, but they all sounded the same; She threw copies of her crappy Vallentines Day movie, but nothing was working; and then, Swift hit Bieber with a knockout punch…Avatar. No one saw it coming.  Beebs had no counter.  Swift won decisively.

I had no idea Taylor Swift was even in Avatar.  I guess being a giantess, all she really had to do was put on some blue paint and she would’ve blended in easily.  I’m going to have to call IMDB Check on that one though.

Like Shark Week, But…not

For those of you who are going to pull out your mother’s hair waiting for Shark Week to resurface on Discovery, NatGEO has prepared an appetizer that they hope will hold you over.  Big Cat Week starts this Monday.

I’m excited; however, I don’t know how long that excitement will last.  How much material can they squeeze out of Big Cats?  A whole week’s worth?  Ugh….

I foresee the first day being incredible.  There’s going to be lions everywhere, tigers flying off of rooftops, and cheetahs that are trained as professional chefs.  I’m just worried about each day after that.

Where do you go after you’ve already shown all your footage of cheetahs preparing Soufflé La Orangé?

Despite my apprehensiveness, I’m going to be all over Big Cat Week. Chalk my enthusiasm up partly to my penchant for Tiger Dance Crews and mostly to my unemployment.

Naturally Awesome!

This video of Selena Gomez dancing in triangles has nearly 70 millions hits on Youtube. To me, it looks like a first project in Final Cut 101, where the student is just trying to show the professor that he knows how to use all the tools.  I think he or she got a B on this assignment. If you haven’t seen this video, you probably should. It’s like a pokemon battle.

Final Cut! Go!

Use Chroma Key!

Mirror Attack!

Overlay!

Pikachu better watch his butt.

Close the door to get back up

This sign made me llol (literally laugh out loud).  I get that Peebles is excited about their Fall line.  I get that. However, there is probably an alternative way to advertise your clothes than telling people they are going to face-plant upon walking into your store. What about, “OPEN THE DOOR TO AUTUMN,” or, ” HEY YOU! WE GOT SWEATERS!”?  What makes these slogans work better than the original is that they don’t make you feel like you’re about to sustain corporeal harm for a new pair of fuzzy mittens.

Maybe I’m not giving Peebles enough credit though.  What if this is a subliminal strategy?  Falling is a common nightmare that people have.  Is Peebles honing in on this subconscious fear?  Has Peebles hired Leonardo DiCaprio to infiltrate our minds and then extract our secrets in order to make us buy long johns?

You decide.

I doubt it.

But you decide.

Baby-V works at a Chandelier Store

This video was the world premiere of Vanessa Hudgens’ first single Baby Come Back. I watch Disney every once in a while all the time, and I saw this video when it happened; however, something has always bothered me about it.

The music video begins with some disembodied male voice announcing Vanessa Hudgens as Baby-V, immediately giving her mad street cred.  Behind Baby-V, there is some sort of ferris wheel or something.  I don’t know what it is, but that’s fine.  I don’t care.  Then things start to go crazy around the 1:07 mark.  For reasons that may never be revealed, Baby-V is suddenly surrounded by chandeliers.  The chandeliers light up and flash while Baby-V acts like nothing is wrong.

What the…?

Here’s a few theories:

#1) Baby-V Works in a Chandelier Store- V couldn’t get off work to shoot the video, so she decided to shoot it at the chandelier store instead of just at the carnival in front of the ferris wheel thing.

#2) Product Placement- Since Baby-V isn’t the Jonas Brothers, Disney wouldn’t shell out the cash to rent the ferris wheel anomaly for more than an hour.  To pay for her awesome new video, V decided to sell out to Cheryl’s Chandelier Emporium.

#3) It’s like Inception– Some things don’t have to make sense to be good.  I’m not saying this video was good, but I am saying that it didn’t make sense.

I’d feed myself to Aragog’s children for Totino’s

As a former advertising student and a human, I can tell you that a lot of ads are ridiculous.  Though to get on this blog, an ad needs to be more than just the banal ridiculous.  Enter: Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

The ad features children talking about a bunch of things that they love, but it turns out that everything sucks compared to Totino’s Pizza Rolls.  I would bet my puppy’s life that most of these kids have never even tried Totino’s.  If they did, I don’t see the final spot turning out the same way.  I see the kids saying something more along the lines of, “Totino’s, eh…if you don’t have anything else,” or, “Totino’s…for when you want to feel disgusting.”

One time, my friend told me his phone had an app that turns it into a transformer, and I had to think about it for a bit; however, there is no way I would ever believe that kids like eating greasy pizza rolls more than summer time fun, wearing their favorite colors, and jamming to their favorite bands. Yeah, pizza rolls can be delightful, but summertime fun and wearing your favorite colors trumps them every time.

Wesley Snipes reads this blog

When you go through the TV Guide and see a program titled “Wesley Snipes Uses Total Gym”, you can assume a couple of things.

#1 Wesley Snipes uses the total gym

#2 Wesley Snipes is in this program

Because there was still 30 minutes till the next showing of River Monsters, I decided to check out how Wesley Snipes uses the total gym.

SPOILER ALERT: There is no Wesley Snipes!

I watched the program for 30 minutes, and Wesley wasn’t even mentioned once.  There were just a whole bunch of random people and Chuck Norris trying to get me to buy the total gym.  If I hadn’t known any better, I would’ve thought that Wesley Snipes didn’t even exist.  What a terrible world that would be.  A world with no Blade, Blade II, or even Blade 3: Trinity.  I become violently convulsive even thinking of a world like that.

That world sounds like it would stink almost as bad as watching Wesley Snipes Uses Total Gym.

Who’s that guy ruining David Guetta’s videos? Oh wait, that’s David Guetta.

I think you need to click on this gif to make it play.  I suggest that you do.

I first came across Guetta when I saw one of his videos featuring Kid Cudi on Youtube.  The video displayed shots of Cudi walking around with an awkward Caucasian fellow who uncomfortably dances right beside him.  This awkward guy was David Guetta.

Guetta is some random DJ who’s putting out a good number of the most popular tracks today.  I think this is the only reason that people look past his awkwardness.  The gif above should prove my point. In between shots of hot babes by the pool, David Guetta randomly walks in and starts jumping around and interlocking fingers with Akon.  What?  Why?

Who knows…

I think Guetta has some dirt on all of these famous musicians that collaborate with him.  The only question is what…

What could Guetta possibly have on Akon and Kid Cudi?

The most likely scenario is that Guetta is a cousin of everyone who sings on his tracks.  I’m going to go with that for right now.  Nothing makes sense anymore…

This is definitely a case for the Undercover Copywriter though.  I’ll tweet any updates.  So get ready.  Get ready for that tweet…